living4myself

07:43 pm: "clarity" my ASS
It's one of those times right now when i really have NO idea how i feel

at all

i love jon. no questions. but sometimes....

i don't know
i guess i'm just not sensitive like most girls
that doesn't mean i'm "INSENSITIVE"
it just means i can be too independent for my own good
i love him.
i just don't NEED him.

all the time.

soccer
can
kiss
my
ass.

i want to play.
i just don't want the shin splints
and weekly "bitching" from my mom about how much it sucks to have to come pick me up at 6 thirty or take me to post on a saturday for my game


oh yeah! the GAME that she NEVER comes to watch

that pretty much sucks
when you have a dad deployed (the one who is into your sports) and your mom can't even "pretend" that she's the least interested

AP Biology
can
go
suck
a
nut
sac

BECAUSE

i

HATE

IT.

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

i can't believe i ever considered not playing soccer because of it.

ugh

OH...and THE BIGGEST DEAL OF THE WEEK

COLLEGE

College can go to hell.
4 times.

yeah..i said it. College can go to hell FOUR TIMES for all i care.

i don't want another conversation to be had about the fact that "they want me" to live with them. fuck it. i really don't care anymore.

Mom wil have to

LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO

LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO

LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO

once i'm eighteen and in college, i'm not putting up with her shit anymore.

i REFUSE.

THAT'S RIGHT..i said it...

I


REFUSE.

...................................damn..........................................................................
..............................................that felt good.....................................................

04:20 pm: In the beginning...
Summer for me has officially started and I'm ridiculous relieved to be a senior...

senior.

almost graduated (in january) senior.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

On the friends side, however, it's hard to pick and choose.
Considering most of my friends are leaving for college land this summer, i'm not too happy and forced to be not too picky.

Summer love is continued and i'm so excited.

Is there a chance we could go to college together??

Quite possibly...

Would i like that?

I don't know yet.




Gokarting sounds like extreme fun right now. Too bad angelica has yet to invite me.
grrrr.

making plans for which college to attend as soon as possible.

Mom can kiss it.
i'm leaving.
i'm just worried about dad.
i think i'm his sanity in some ways.
which is quite unsettling for me...kinda ironic.

i'm excited about being with Rae soon.

Nay...relieved.
i need my best friend back.
and i'm slightly nervous to see how i mix with her best friends.
i don't want to be the outsider that brings it all down for them.
i hope it works out.
I PRAY IT WORKS OUT.

Time for some boyfriend time.
God i love him.

10:17 am: Absolutely amazing...
it was perfect...well, there's maybe a way it could have been better. but i don't think i would have been able to think of it before it happened. this is absolutely great...and the best part is, he's not looming over me anymore. you are everything i need right now...

10:02 am: i take it back...again...
i'm going with the first thing i wrote about this. we are amazing. and i can't imagine anyone i'd rather be experiencing the things we feel with. i thought it was going to be hard for us once aaron got back...but after hanging out with him and realizing he's still the same old Aaron..i know i can't put myself through anything with him again. So i'm completely devoted to US. to everything we have and could have in the future. This feels so much more than us and where we are...it feels strange to me when we have to say goodbye at night...it almost doesn't feel fair...like we shouldn't have to say goodbye to each other...as strange as that is, that's the way it feels. You have my heart...and i'm not afraid for you to keep it. Even if things don't work out as i'm hoping for, i could never regret anything we've experienced so far.

I love you.

I'm just trying to find the perfect time to say it...and the perfect way.

07:01 pm: i take it back...
I'm terrified...


and with HIM being back...i'm more confused than ever































boys suck.


the end.

04:16 pm: totally and completely sure...
I haven't been this sure about my feelings for the longest time...you make me incredibly happy and completely appreciated...i don't know what i'd be right now if i didn't have you...you make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me want to be in Vicenza...i know you would never intentionally hurt me, i know you'd never leave me wondering "why"...i know that you care about me the exact same way i do about you...the best part is...that even after knowing you two years and only dating you two months...i still get goosebumps and butterflies when you come around or come in to kiss me...it's amazing. you're amazing.

i have this feeling that we will be so much more very soon...


and to be honest...


for the first time in a long time...














































i'm not afraid to say i love you...

10:11 am: Hmmmmm.....
Grounded for not doing my laundry...



can i get a "WTF"?!?!?!?!?


thank you.



P>S> Yes, dallas..i do have a BOYFRIEND. HAHA...his name's jon...and he's amazing. he's 6"1, brown hair, sometimes black and blonde...he's a VERY VERY VERY GOOD GUITARIST and his band's pretty good. still in garage phase. My mom absolutely loves him as well as my Dad...

but most importantly I'm just happy. i love being with him and just talking to him. ya know? and then of course all the little "perks" that come with a relationship. hahahah

i love you!

10:59 am: When happiness is based on lies...
it's so hard...
it's too hard
to tell the truth

10:08 am: WOrst day ever....so far...it's only 10 AM
Ms. Henry (notice the MS because she's a horrible woman and no one would ever spend their life with her) took up 10 chapters worth of AP BIo notes from me today...apparently since i wasn't working on HER class's work (which i'd already finished) i wasn't going to work on ANY CLASS"S work...and it just so happens that i have test today on those notes, next period. and she refuses to give them back to me til the end of the day. Tell me it's wrong for me to be wondering what death will be like...cause i have a feeling it's coming when Mom finds out.


ugh.

I only got to see Jon yesterday for like....3 hours. bummer. i could have spent the entire day with him.

thank you mom.















SARCASM.








i really just want the school year to be over. then i'll go to CO and everything'll be ok.



oh. and PS>>>>>> Jon has yet to change his myspace site to show that he's not dating Kristina anymore....and that he has a new girlfriend...whom i think goes by the name Jessica..not sure. because i wouldn't know since everyone and their mom thinks he's still dating Kristina. DOUBLE UGH...






but i still like him.


a lot.


a lot a lot.


hahahaha


=)


*then she remembers the AP Bio notes...and stops laughing**

06:56 pm: Dedicated to my other half....
Qualifications for being a best friend:

1. YOU make the plans for their Sweet 16 instead of making them approach YOU about it.

2. You can go a week without talking (if possible) and it does not, in anyway, mean either one of you are mad at each other.

3. You are willing to ditch the boyfriend for the night if only to hangout with her/him for only 20 minutes, because it's worth it.

4. Your best friend shouldn't have to wonder if you're in the mood to be nice to them today.

and finally...

5. Yall's 'best friend' title isn't in jeapordy when the other person makes 1 more friend, or 20. Because even still, without question, you're still the best friend at the end of the day...

but I firmly believe that you have a Best Friend, and then you have your Other Half...and i'm just so grateful that I found my other half so early in my life...it's gotten me through so much. And I couldn't imagine putting you through half the BS you've had to deal with, because that's what it is. But all I can say is that I'm sorry that someone as amazing as you has to deal with people who don't appreciate you when they have you. I love you. And to me, loving your best friend should get ya'll through everything. I don't think she even realizes what she's lost.

=)

Hope this did something for your day...